I just realized that I can make almost anything into a spiritual meditation practice- think about it- how many opportunities do I have to watch the mind and DO NOTHING. Someone cuts me off in traffic- watch this mind rant and rave and don’t give him the finger. A friend doesn’t call when she says she will- watch the hurt and anger rise and decide to not say anything and just accept her limitations. Someone makes an inflammatory comment about my Pit bulls as they pass by us on the street- I notice how defensive my thoughts go and how I so much want to put them in their place but decide to stay quiet and let them have their stories. I listen to my relative go into great detail about the most mundane things and don’t ask her to hurry up or talk over her because I accept and love her quirks and don’t need her to change to suit me. I have a client who is so nervous and frustrated with her dog’s behavior and I don’t try to make it all better and fix it for her with a few sentences, I give her the space she needs to vent and get her feelings out because I too have been where she is.

Doing Nothing is not just about sitting and meditating on a cushion. It is about being triggered by others and deciding to hold your tongue and just observe the rants of your mind. I love that Life gives up so many opportunities to meditate. Every moment is a chance to wake up to that deeper wisdom inside that doesn’t need to have the answer to everything.

I have a new spiritual practice- to do Nothing. and it is very very challenging. This mind wants to stay very busy. it’s like a little scavenger picking up thoughts and feelings to feed itself and keep it alive. It has created itself a busy busy life of people, places and things.

If I ask the mind to stop what it is doing right now- being on this computer- and go sit down and do nothing- it revolts! “No way- there are things to do, things to take care, communications to make!!” it says. So right now- I am going to make it go over there and sit. I will be back in 5 minutes to tell you about my experience…………..

This mind is happy to be back at the computer because those 5 minutes were no easy task! It was busy thinking about lots of silly and mundane things that it HAD to do- pet Lucille, comment on the dog fart, get going to work, scratch my neck, glance around the room, think about who I was walking today, wonder if I got a new email, and on and on…and to just sit there- and allow these thoughts and not DO anything about them- was challenging.

And yet- there was another feeling in those 5 minutes deeper inside- a kind of sigh of relief- that there was nothing I needed to do in those few moments..that this mind could rest if it wanted to…it was given time off..And there was a grasping of some Presence that was watching all this mind chatter. This Presence was huge and tall and magnificent, quietly standing observing without judgement.

I am going to let my mind have a few moments off every day. Give it a cigarette break , shall we say! It might want to chatter throughout that break, that’s okay. I just want it to know it doesn’t have to do anything in that time. It doesn’t have to fix, change, or understand anything….and maybe it will come to realize that in these moments- it can connect to that deeper place of resting anytime it needs to.  My counselor said it very sweetly-  “Allow your mind to have curious compassionate loving pauses throughout the day…”

Doing Nothing is my new hobby. It will take a while to master, yet I think once I get the hang of it- it can nourish this mind when it is stressed or overwrought with thought .   I’ll keep you posted!

These are my beliefs and they are very strong. If you don’t understand them or get them, this is okay…maybe, just let it sink in slowly, see if there is any recognition somewhere deep inside you….

We all have one purpose on this great earth- To Awaken to That Which We Truly Are- and we call That many things- Pure Love, Pure Consciousness, Pure Awareness, God, Buddha, Christ…. It’s that Presence always present behind your thoughts. It’s the mind that is unchanging while the stories come and go. It’s the Space called God that is here right now while a voice says ” I am Kathy”.

I am not Kathy. I am so much more than that. I am God realized. I am Vastless Intelligence that knows everything and nothing all at the same time. I am energy that loves all and nurtures all. It never rejects and it never has fear. It is beautiful beyond imagination. It is the widest opening of one’s heart.

So you are here to realize this Presence. and you can use your everyday life to experience it- in marriage, in children, in dogs, in church, in people cutting you off on the road, in eating, in music, in the earth, in financial hardship, in travel, in loss, and in gain. This Presence holds these things and much much more. It is the vessel that contains the changing chapters in our life. It is the energy that never says No to anything. It is the container that turns away no experience. It is the Vastness of Love that has no ending.

When I realized my life was so much more than the daily stress of being Kathy. When I really really took in the Hugeness of this life- I breathed a deep sigh of relief – because I don’t have to try so hard to be perfect. Life is here to lead me, without my control- how to return Home- to Me, beyond this Mind, beyond this Body..

You don’t need to understand everything I just wrote. Just let it sink in to your heart, because it already knows everything.

When I say “become water” I mean become a flow; don’t remain stagnant. Move, and move like water. Lao Tzu says: The way of the Tao is a watercourse way. It moves like water. What is the movement of water? or of a river? The movement has a few beautiful things about it. One, it always moves towards the depth, it always searches for the lowest ground. It is non-ambitious; it never hankers to be the first, it wants to be the last. Remember, Jesus says: Those who are the last here will be the first in my kingdom of God. He is talking about the watercourse way of Tao–not mentioning it, but talking about it. Be the last, be non-ambitious. Ambition means going uphill. Water goes down, it searches for the lowest ground, it wants to be a nonentity. It does not want to declare itself unique, exceptional, extraordinary. It has no ego idea.

Osho Take it Easy, Volume 1 Chapter 14

Commentary:
The figure in this card is completely relaxed and at ease in the water, letting it take him where it will. He has mastered the art of being passive and receptive without being dull or sleepy. He is just available to the currents of life, with never a thought of saying “I don’t like that,” or “I prefer to go the other way.” Every moment in life we have a choice whether to enter life’s waters and float, or to try to swim upstream. When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.

I don’t accept it anymore- the mind pulling its bullshit with me- on how I did it wrong, how i wasn’t good enough, how I didn’t figure it out, how I should have known better. I just don’t let the mind ramble on. I tell it very simply “Shut Up!!!”

That part of us, the inner critic is poison and needs to be treated like a toxic substance that should be expelled immediately from the mind. Do not entertain it for one second. Tell it to stop and keep telling it to stop until you find peace. I actually am a warrior with this- I do not believe in the kind way or the Zen way where one should just watch what the mind says. Why watch a total lie that keeps you bound? Why allow bombs to drop in your psyche? Why be hurt over and over?

Be the protective Mama Bear to your heart and mind. Do not let this negativity enter in. There is nothing good that comes from the inner critic. It DOES NOT help you be a better, more productive, more resilient person- it only brings you down. The Mama bear protects her young with fierce committment. She will lay down her life for her babies. Treat your heart and mind like little young babes, so innocent and open. They deserve to be held in a state of grace and loving kindness. The Mama Bear will not let mean angry thoughts kill them.

I know this may be hard to do because the inner critic is so hard wired into us. Become vigilant- this means be the watcher of your mind. When you are in crisis or stress- the inner critic becomes alive and will blame you for this. In no uncertain terms tell it to stop.  You might have to do this over and over.  Don’t ever let the inner critic win- it’s only goal is to tear you down.  Stand Tall and tell it to shut the f*** up!

Benjamin  teaches me spiritual lessons every day.  For the last several months, we have slowed down on our walks.  I used to be such a go getter on the hikes-  trying to get as much exercise as possible, trying to go as far as the farthest point,  trying to wear my mind and body out.  I have done  it this way for as long as I have been walking, and now Benjamin is showing me the kinder way.

I walk slow, real slow somtimes.  My walking now reminds me of the walking meditations I have done at retreats.  Walking slow inherently makes me more present.  I get to look around and notice things because there is no place I need to reach anymore.  It’s all in the journey now.  Benjamin likes to stop and lean against me often on the walk.  This stopping allows me to pause the internal chatter as well.  All that matters in that moment, is the reassuring touch I give my boy.

With no destination in my mind,  I get to walk side by side with him, taking in each step.  Sure, the mind is still going, but when I physically slow down- I notice that nature around me captivates me more.  There have been years of walking where I barely noticed the beauty around me because the mind kept me so busy with nonsense.  And now my teacher, Benjamin has asked me to slow down and take in what beauty and gifts Nature and the Present Moment have to offer.

The last 2 years, I have been letting Madeline and Lucille up on my bed! We have a funny routine. Madeline will come sit in front of me and look at me around 1030pm, after our evening walk. This is how she communicates with me- no barking, no whining- just a simple silent longing stare. She either wants affection, food , or the bed and I can figure it out by what time it is! So I walk her into my room and help her get on the bed. She can’t do it herself, poor girl, because of her hip displasia. She gets up and I quickly block her from my side of the bed. She stretches out with her back legs open behind her- like turkey legs, it’s so damn adorable. She closes her eyes and starts to snore instantly.

Around 3 a.m, I wake up instantly to Lucille’s footsteps coming down the hall. She waits at the back door for me to open it. She always has a nighttime pee at this time. It’s the mom mechanism in me that can wake up without effort or pain to to let her out. Then she comes back in and walks to my bed, tail always wagging. She also needs help getting up, she has arthritis in her back legs. I have tried to sleep with both of them on the bed, but its too much- so at this point, I ask Madeline to get off and go to the bed right next to mine. I help Lucille up and then I cover her. She loves to sleep under the comforter.

This is our nighttime ritual almost every night. I love having the girls breathing next to me. I love being in slumber with them. Benjamin meanwhile is very content to sleep right next to the bed on his huge orthopedic mattress. My room is very dark (black curtains help this!), so it feels like a perfect den with our pack of 4. It feels like we are all so connected throughout the night.

I love the bond that sleeping together creates. I tell my clients with difficult dogs- no bed, no couch!, but if rehabilitation happens with your pups- go ahead, ask them back into your bed- spoon your dog and drift off  into dreams together.

I am addicted to thinking. I am not unique- most humans are.  and what is the definition of addiction?  A compulsive behavior done to avoid pain.  People drink to avoid their pain.  People shop to forget about their troubles for a moment.  People overeat to stuff their suffering.  I over think to not sit with painful feelings.

This is how it works:  I have a painful feeling- loss.  I feel it for a moment and it hurts, big time.  I want to stop the pain- so I start to analyze the situation around the loss- why did it happen?  What went wrong?  What was my part?  can I make it stop?  Who can make me feel better?  and on and on and on.  This is repetitive process of picking the situation apart is actually an addiction.  The mind  does it so that it does not have to be quiet and have the feelings surface.  The mind thinks it is doing a good and protective thing, but in actuality- it is prolonging the suffering.

There is a way through, and it is very simple, yet it takes immense courage.  The way out is to sit with all the angst that is there.  Feel it, all of it.  Allow the pain to have a voice.  When the thinking starts- the whys, hows, whens-  gently tell the mind to stop, and instead go into the feeling.  Feel the pain in your body.  Feel the heaviness of  your heart.  Feel the contraction of your belly.  Let the cries and gasps flow freely.  Let is all hang out.

Something deep and profound happens when the thinking stops and the feeling have their space-  healing happens.  Its the kind of healing that over time allows painful patterns to be broken. We all have patterns in our lives-  things we do over and over that are crazy making.  We ask ourselves- “why the hell am I doing this again?”  Its because- we haven’t touched the core of deep pain that is the source of it.  We have pushed it away by thinking, drinking, eating, sex, etc.  These patterns can stop if we give our heart all of its attention.

The mind is a beautiful thing- so creative and analytical.  It always wants a job and its biggest job is to protect us from pain.  Unfortunately  this protection keeps the pain inside, just pushed into the farthest corners.  We need to gently tell the mind to stop, and allow the heart to do its job-  to feel.  Feel it all.  Give pain its freedom from the mind. Once this is done-  peace will arise in heart and mind.  Try it next time you want to think yourself out of a painful problem.  It’s a bit scary the first time you truly feel, but I promise you- you will survive and the heart can then thrive.

Joey reminds me of a monkey- very agile, playful, and goofy.  If he could climb walls to get to the next fun thing, he would.  Joey is a small package of gusto and might-  He loves to be at the center of what’s going on, he makes the most of his walks by being everywhere at once.

He’s a dog’s dog-  he loves them all.  He  greets every new one with enthusiasm and a big wagging tail.  Even curmudgeon’s like Lucille like him.  He brings out the social side of every dog.  He’s his own welcome wagon- that announces  “Hey I am here to just have fun, you gotta join me!”.

Joey loves to dig for gophers.  he can be seen butt to butt with Miss Madeline trying to get the squeeky little mouse out of the hole.  He also loves to run up and down the trails. He’ll come barreling down to me and sit in front of me with great satisfaction, when I call him.

Joey is a dog that loves his life.  He’s a happy boy, no doubt about it and he makes me appreciate the hours I get to spend with him.  He reminds me to greet everyone with a smile and  find fun around every corner.  Life is an adventure with Joey around.