I wanted to share a few things that have happened:

last week, as I was driving, I said very loudly  ” I miss you” and RIGHT THEN, I saw a person walking an old Rottie right next to me on the street.    A Rottie is not so common to see. I felt it was my boy’s essence – saying ” I am right here mom”

last night,  I was walking the girls late- and i looked back and Madeline and Lucille- the slow pokes- and saw a small grey cat very assuredly following about 5 feet behind Madeline.  She followed us with complete determination for about 100 years-  only 3 feet or less behind Madeline.  She was whimsical and a bundle of distinct personality.  The 3 pitties and the kitty.  It was my boy checking in with us on our evening walk.

Today,  a woman was walking 2 small dogs and a ROTTIE  ( another random sighting)  and this cat came out of nowhere-  grey again, but  a different one- and the dogs saw it and pulled the woman down- instead of running, the cat got pissed off and CAME AT the 3 barking dogs and tried to scratch one.  the woman turned and left and the cat followed the dogs with the intention of letting them know she would not tolerate their misbehavior on HER street.   It reminded me of Benjamin once again.  Not even sure how or why…..

Thanks for listening.  Just wanted to share that I believe my boy is reaching out from the great Source to let me know- he is always with me.

Tomorrow will be 6 months since he passed and today, he feels very much alive in spirit and perhaps in the temporary essence of a grey kitty.

My boy sent me this girl,Miss Abigal.   I know it, without a doubt-   He and she talked  and agreed that my heart would need Abbey after he left.  I am grieving, there is no hiding this.  I got a massage today and cried.  I drove to one of my boy’s favorite jaunts and cried. I  sat with good friends for lunch and cried in the bathroom.  Then I came home and 3 Pitty girls welcomed me with glee, adoration, joy and unbridled love….and the newest piggy- Abbey did this crazy dance all over me- nuzzling and love bites with a huge grin on her piggy face…

The healing of grief is instantaneous.  I laugh, I wiggle, I let loose with the same joy they bestow on me.

A reason to open my heart again , is healing it.  Rescuing Abbey  is like a strong antibiotic to a wound. .  There is a big space  where my boy left.  Abbey does not fill this space, she opens up another place in my heart. What this shows me- is that the heart can be ever expanding even amidst the deepest loss.

My beloved boy knew this- he sent me girl #3 to wiggle with glee upon my returns- to show me- that Unconditional Love comes when you most need it..

Dogs are such healers and teachers. In their unique animal ways, they pave the way to a greater Awareness of what Love really is.  Love is an Unconditional Yes to Life.  Love is a Yes to Feelings. Love is a Yes to humility. Love is a Yes to not knowing everything. Love is a Yes to Authenticity. Love is a Yes to Pausing and Reflecting. Love is a Yes to making a mistake and getting back up again. Love is Yes to Darkness and Light.

 

I just heard the term yesterday in an sweet book I am reading  ” Saying Good bye to your Angel Animals”.  Organic grieving means giving yourself permission to mourn loss in ways that originate from your essence, your spirit, your unique self. Organic grieving emanates from the core of your being, where the essence of what you honestly feel and believe about life and death resides.”

I  have come to see that my grief process is making a new me. I am no longer the woman I was March 10, 2011, the day before my beloved died.  I don’t quite know who I am and that is just fine.  I am letting grief have all its life within me.  It is not a straight road to “feeling all better”. In fact,  I think there will always be a part of me that feels this loss and I am okay with that too.

I want anyone who is reading this- to know – however you grief is GOOD.  Just do it…Don’t hide or run from it..Don’t care what people around you think , say, or judge about what you are doing in the midst of your loss.  Just be totally you- you deserve the full allowance of your true expression.  This goes for any loss- relationship, animal, parent, job, home….If you worry about what others think of you- then your heart will push aside the grief, and I believe if this happens again and again-  a part of us dies.

So when you are sad, grieving, missing, or longing-  BE ALL OF IT. Let it in and let it out to me. Grieving breaks us wide open, shatters our illusions, and perhaps leaves us with a purity of heart that was waiting to be revealed.

Blessings and Love to you!