I am addicted to thinking. I am not unique- most humans are. and what is the definition of addiction? A compulsive behavior done to avoid pain. People drink to avoid their pain. People shop to forget about their troubles for a moment. People overeat to stuff their suffering. I over think to not sit with painful feelings.
This is how it works: I have a painful feeling- loss. I feel it for a moment and it hurts, big time. I want to stop the pain- so I start to analyze the situation around the loss- why did it happen? What went wrong? What was my part? can I make it stop? Who can make me feel better? and on and on and on. This is repetitive process of picking the situation apart is actually an addiction. The mind does it so that it does not have to be quiet and have the feelings surface. The mind thinks it is doing a good and protective thing, but in actuality- it is prolonging the suffering.
There is a way through, and it is very simple, yet it takes immense courage. The way out is to sit with all the angst that is there. Feel it, all of it. Allow the pain to have a voice. When the thinking starts- the whys, hows, whens- gently tell the mind to stop, and instead go into the feeling. Feel the pain in your body. Feel the heaviness of your heart. Feel the contraction of your belly. Let the cries and gasps flow freely. Let is all hang out.
Something deep and profound happens when the thinking stops and the feeling have their space- healing happens. Its the kind of healing that over time allows painful patterns to be broken. We all have patterns in our lives- things we do over and over that are crazy making. We ask ourselves- “why the hell am I doing this again?” Its because- we haven’t touched the core of deep pain that is the source of it. We have pushed it away by thinking, drinking, eating, sex, etc. These patterns can stop if we give our heart all of its attention.
The mind is a beautiful thing- so creative and analytical. It always wants a job and its biggest job is to protect us from pain. Unfortunately this protection keeps the pain inside, just pushed into the farthest corners. We need to gently tell the mind to stop, and allow the heart to do its job- to feel. Feel it all. Give pain its freedom from the mind. Once this is done- peace will arise in heart and mind. Try it next time you want to think yourself out of a painful problem. It’s a bit scary the first time you truly feel, but I promise you- you will survive and the heart can then thrive.