I am going to find acceptance if it kills me!

I am inching forward to being “okay” with where Benjamin and I are at right now.  I still have my kicking and screaming days- just yesterday- I threw a mini tantrum  on a walk with my girls-  just yelling “life is NOT fair”.  I really let Life have it- a few good cuss words and a few loud screams  got me to a place of peace for a little while.  sometimes the way to peace is through a good scream!

Benjamin is doing much better than I am.  Sure, he is a little confused why we turn around after our 5 minute walk.  Sure, he is looking at me with a “why” look when I leave with the girls and not him on our evening walks.  But allin all-  what he is missing in walks, he is getting tenfold in love, brushing, kong treats, doggy massage, acupressure and good conversation!  This restricted exercise will last minimum 8 weeks  ( we are in week 3) and I actually think I may survive it without too many more tantrums.  Once again, I am learning acceptance from the master-  Benjamin.  Right at this moment- while I am thinking how I wish he could come with me and the girls, he is busy  chewing his pig hoof stuffed with Tripe, not a care in the world, filled  up with love and bliss.  That’s my boy.

No news is Bad News

and honestly- I did not want to share more grief and sadness with everyone. I just have felt like shit over all the Benjamin struggles and did not want to worry or concern people. Thankfully, I get to be with the most loving dogs every day on my walks-to be greeted with such enthusiasm and warmth every day makes a world of difference for my state of mind. I am blessed to have this career- walking dogs in nature. It really helps when times are hard.

I honestly don’t have the energy to go into all the medical stuff with Benjamin right now. I will say he has a Partial ACL ( knee) tear and I am opting to do a program of severe exercise restriction called Conservative Management over surgery for the next 8 weeks. If I see little improvement, my boy will have to go under the knife. I hope this does not happen, he is old and I don’t want to put him through surgery.

I have alot more to say but not the energy to do it, so I will wait for one of those inspired mornings when my mind is open and ready to communicate.

Thank you all for your support and caring. It means so much.