I don’t think many people really get this. yes- I am their leader/master and they are my dogs- if you want to speak in proper dog behavior verbage- after all I do need them to listen, respect, respond, and defer to me- always. we live in a human world where human law dictates, not animal law.
But saying that does not adequately express my bond with them. I know what it is to be a Mother. I put their needs before mine. I think about them the first moment upon waking and the last before sleeping. Their pain is my pain, tenfold. Their joy is my joy. Their fear is something I want to comfort and help extinguish. I never want them to worry, fear, lose, or be in pain . I will do everything to protect them.
yet, I cannot protect them from everything- sometimes Life has it’s own way that differs from my needs and wants. I am truly humbled by my inability to control everything. I cannot control that dogs live way shorter lives than humans. I cannot control their aging before mine. This given is something I once again wrestle with as 2 of my dogs are elders. Lucille has arthritis and Madeline has had cancer. How much longer will I be graced with their presence in my life?
So God’s plan for me was to have dogs as my children. I feel very fulfilled within this role. I know what it means to Mother- to love someone so deeply and selflessly that the Self disappears- and all that remains is Unconditional Love. But I ache tonight with the realization that the Mother I choose to be- a Mother to dogs, means I will lose all my children before I pass. How do I endure this? I am in the midst of the biggest loss I have ever known- my beloved Benjamin…and 3 more will follow at some future point. Madeline, Lucille and Abbey- my pack of girls who have sustained me through my darkest days.
I need to live in the NOW. Because Now is when they are here, with me, joyfully loving me and this precious life we have. The future is fear and living in this place brings me nothing but angst. Live here, Live now- they ask this of me- so that I don’t waste a moment of this blessed relationship in fear. Stay in the Present, and Stay in Love’s safety.