I don’t know how long Madeline was talking to me while the three others status in silent meditation next to her but at some point I saw a very bright light in my minds eye
It was yellow and orange in hue and I had suddenly taken over my closed eyes.
Was certainly aware that I was at the dentist and I was in the chair and I remember asking him if he had suddenly turned on the light and he said no. The light stayed. I remember being babies in an incredible feeling of warmth and joy and love.
It was a complete radical departure from the panic and anxiety that my body and mind was having just a short time before
I’ve never been able to pray myself out of a panic or anxiety attack. I’ve never been able to breathe myself out of one. They’ve always happened and they suck
And anxiety attack is just extreme anxious thinking and overwhelm. A panic attack feels like you may die physically. I had to on my cross country trip and one in my Berkeley apartment about a month ago. This fourth one was thwarted by Madeline’s arrival
I find it really interesting that she was the abiding presence in this spectacular experience. Because in life – she was The most quiet and on the sidelines out of all of my dogs. She was the one that not many new intimately besides my mom, Kate and myself. Those three people mattered the most to her. She was my Buddha girl. Stoic, quiet and supremely enlightened. But no one really knew it because of her apparent detached nature.
I think she was just ABIDING in PURE CONSCIOUSNESS the entire time she lived on this earth.
The others – Benjamin, Lucille and Coda played a very important role in this direct experience. It’s like they were backing up Madeline. They were there as reinforcement for her message.
The message was and will always be-
We are never separate from you. We are always in you, with you and forever for you. There is no separation. there is no death. There is just pure abiding consciousness and love. Rest in this knowledge and may you find peace
At some point – the procedure ended and I came back to the chair.
I was excited and I think I said something like that “something happened to me ,something happened to me ,I don’t think you will believe me but Angels came to me”
The dentist said something disregarding like – “whatever you needed to make you come down I’m glad it helped”
We had a longer conversation afterwords and he told me he was a Buddhist. I told him that what happened to me was not religious and had no god really. And I try to explain it to him and I think we found a middle ground but ultimately it really doesn’t matter because what I experienced will be forever held in my heart as the deepest truth of who I am