They are right upstairs, with good people- Kate and Jen. They have them next to a Buddha statue. They brought them home from the hospital for me a few weeks after he passed. I have not been able to have them with me. Now I feel this welling up of wanting them here. I will ask for them tomorrow. I will bring his ashes home. It is only symbolic, I know. He is not the ashes. He is so so so much bigger. He is infinite.
But bringing them home here to sit on his altar- is a step in my healing. It says to me- I am accepting. I am surrendered. I am available for more opening. I will cry a river of tears when I carry this wooden box home. I will undoubtedly curl up and wail a thousand cries. And with these tears- come a Surrendered Heart. I have no blocks, no boundaries, no walls. My boy says- you don’t need them “where” I am at, mom. and he wants to bring this “place” to me- fully alive in my body,mind and heart. He wants me to experience the Grace of a fully Open Heart.
These ashes will bear witness to my path of opening. These ashes will continue bringing me to my knees. These ashes will point me deeper inside my Silent Witness- the one who sees All and knows with no doubt that THERE IS NO SEPARATION. My boy is here, next to me, in the Vastness of the Space called Unconditional Love. I am ready to bring them home, and I am ready to continue on the journey Home, inside the Bliss of Pure Awakened Mind.
Benjamin, I love you forever. The forever that has no beginning and no end. The Forever that resides Now and has us always reunited and always connected.