There is no replacing my boy. There will be no new dog to fill his space. There is no new love affair to fill this void. There is no new hobby, no new adventure, no new endeavor to make this loss feel less huge. There is just enduring. There is just time. There is just tolerance of pain. Life goes on. I smile more. I laugh at my girls every day. The pack walks bring me peace. But this void remains and I think it will always remain. There is nothing that will ever fill his space in my soul. That will happen when we are reunited again. When I get to Re-member that we were never separate after all.
I still can’t look at his pictures for more than a moment or two. I just break down. I miss my boy so so much. I got to experience a kind of love that many will never know. I got to directly know the Purity of Unconditional Love. His essence in my life healed me. It convinced me that True Love exists and is real and certain and will NOT change.
I got to experience the joy of being a Mother to my boy. I got to experience the profound healing of his wounded being- through my love,devotion and commitment to never give up. In return- he taught me about Divine Love- Love that knows no boundaries, no beginning, no end, no judgment.
My heart aches tonight. A mother missing her son. Good night my sweetness. I love you. 