I had a hard day yesterday.\u00a0 I was in pain watching Benjamin have a hard time of it.\u00a0 He has good days and bad days and how well he is doing affects me greatly.<\/p>\n
We went to Wildcat canyon Park for our morning walk and he kept on going in the bushes to make a bed.\u00a0 He will dig and rustle up the leaves and brush and then just stand and look at me.\u00a0 This has always been odd behavior to me and I can’t quite figure out what he is trying to tell me.\u00a0 I think it is that he is tired and does not want to go further.\u00a0 I sat down on the trail and cried while he was in the bushes.\u00a0 A nice lady walked by and asked if I was okay.\u00a0 I told her I was sad because my boy is not doing well today.\u00a0 I told her how much I loved him.\u00a0 I told her we had been through alot together.\u00a0 He came out of the bushes then and went over to her and nudged her for some pets.\u00a0 We slowly went on our way.<\/p>\n
I brought him home and he curled up on his bed and I went on my way to work with the girls.\u00a0 But I carried the pain with me all day.\u00a0 I then became fixated with finding a cure for the pain.\u00a0 I believed needed\u00a0 to get rid of it.\u00a0 I was looking for some hit of something to take it all away.\u00a0 This is why people take a drink or eat some chocolate or drive too fast.\u00a0 There are so many ways to ease the pain- but most of them just put a small band aid on it and it comes roaring back and we go through all the searching again and again\u00a0 for that elusive cure.<\/p>\n
As hard as it is,\u00a0 I will try something different today- I will just be with the pain. Allow it to breathe and have its time with me.\u00a0 My spiritual counselor says it is like a hairball, it needs to come up, it needs to be spit out. I will probably sit with my boy and just smell him, pet him, hold him and talk to him.\u00a0 I think this is where the healing is-\u00a0 to just let it all be.\u00a0 Nothing needs to be fixed or taken away right now.\u00a0 A good cry is the remedy here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had a hard day yesterday.\u00a0 I was in pain watching Benjamin have a hard time of it.\u00a0 He has good days and bad days and how well he is doing affects me greatly. We went to Wildcat canyon Park for our morning walk and he kept on going in the bushes to make a … <\/p>\n