{"id":461,"date":"2014-03-16T03:04:13","date_gmt":"2014-03-16T03:04:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/?p=461"},"modified":"2014-04-18T04:45:28","modified_gmt":"2014-04-18T04:45:28","slug":"farewell-for-now-my-beloved-lucille-march-11-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/2014\/03\/16\/farewell-for-now-my-beloved-lucille-march-11-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"Farewell for now, My Beloved Lucille March 11, 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lucille left her aching tired body on March 11, 2014 at 8 pm, surrounded by her pack.\u00a0 She passed on the 3rd anniversary of her Beloved Benjamin’s death.\u00a0 She will be forever deeply missed. I’d like to tell her story here<\/p>\n

The ache is immense.\u00a0 The void is beyond measure.\u00a0 Lucille was a mighty soul.\u00a0 She commanded attention with her true Alpha grit.\u00a0 All the dogs knew not to mess with Lucille-\u00a0 she was a dominant beast yet with such a soft underbelly.\u00a0 Her kisses lasted for minutes and minutes- she couldn’t get enough of my face.\u00a0 She would go into a trance of sorts- just kissing me.\u00a0 I relished in her attention because I knew it was coming from a vulnerable heart.\u00a0 She was complicated in many ways. Strong yet insecure ,\u00a0 Intense yet calm,\u00a0 Loud yet\u00a0 beautiful in her ability to be quiet when most necessary.<\/p>\n

I brought her home from the Berkeley shelter 9 1\/2 years ago.\u00a0 She had been there 8 months and was becoming depressed there.\u00a0 She was just going to be my foster dog…I took her to prospective homes and everyone fell in love with her- she was after all a true beauty.\u00a0\u00a0 I came up with excuses each time why it was not the right home and soon realized-\u00a0 she was staying with me and Benjamin- she had found home.\u00a0 He was her home in many ways.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u00a0 would soon discover she had some unpredictable dog aggression that was fierce- but never once did she go after Benjamin.\u00a0 He was her rock.\u00a0 He was her leader- even better than I could be.\u00a0 He showed her through his magnificent grounded presence that he could be ultimately trusted.\u00a0 She always wanted to lay wherever he was-\u00a0 he was like her medicine when she felt insecure.\u00a0 I was still learning how to be a dog trainer and she would challenge in many ways over the next few years.<\/p>\n

I was also doing big pack walks with my dog walking business and the first day I brought her home- I took her a long on a 8 dog pack walk.\u00a0 I just assumed she had to fit in because this was my job.\u00a0 I honestly did not take into consideration what SHE NEEDED.\u00a0 She got into a fight with a formidable Pit girl as soon as I unloaded the truck.\u00a0 This was my welcoming into the world of Lucille’s dog aggression.\u00a0 I was angry at her a lot over the next months.\u00a0 She could be great with dogs but she could also just decide- that she did not like their energy and Bam! she would over correct them.\u00a0 She especially did not like puppies- the would come bounding up to her and the before I could down her – she would correct them which usually meant a puncture on\u00a0 their face. I worked her hard- I demanded from her. I used brute force with her often and in turn- over corrected her.\u00a0\u00a0 It wasnt until years later that I saw the error of my ways.<\/p>\n

Lucille ended up having transformation- it just took a long time.\u00a0\u00a0 She ended up being a true sound Alpha girl.\u00a0 I took her everywhere , alongside Benjamin and Madeline.\u00a0 They were my dynamic trio of mighty ambassadors for their breeds.\u00a0\u00a0 But I also noticed what the times of heavy demand work did to her-\u00a0 she would always hang way back in my training classes.\u00a0 She did not want to be around any pressure, any aggression or any possibility of correction.\u00a0 Her aggression had been uprooted but her insecurities were intact.\u00a0 and I had contributed to this.\u00a0\u00a0 I was so angry at myself.\u00a0 I realized- I did not practice what I preached to my clients in later years-\u00a0\u00a0 I truly believe even a dominant aggressive dog needs to learn how to cope with the pressures of the world through thoughtful slow patient exposure.\u00a0 I believe I expected way too much of my dear Lucille so soon.\u00a0 I expected her to fit into my busy pack walk life immediately and if she couldn’t deal with it- then the only “cure” was to correct her strongly.<\/p>\n

This amazing beast taught me something so profound-\u00a0 do not be attached to the outcome.\u00a0 Being truly present with her would have shown me that she needed a patient path that did not require her to instantly “fit in”.\u00a0\u00a0 She needed to take in her new world and her new life with me on her terms- and then trust would have come naturally.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I am so blessed that she forgave me every day and in every moment and in all ways-\u00a0 she loved me unconditionally even through my mistakes.<\/p>\n

About 2.5 years ago- Lucille’s back legs started to weaken.\u00a0 She would fall down unexpectedly.\u00a0 I took her to a neurologist and it was eventually determined that she most likely had early stage IVDD-\u00a0 which is a degenerative disc disease.\u00a0 Over the next 2 years- there was a slow but steady decline.\u00a0 She was wobbly on her back legs and I could tell it affected her attitude.\u00a0 She felt more vulnerable.\u00a0 She would lay down every time we stopped on our walks- it was becoming hard for her to carry her big frame.\u00a0 In June of 2013, I decided finally to take the plunge and get her a wheelchair. It was an emotional decision for me because it was an acknowledgement that my girl was weakening. I researched all the dog wheel chair companies and went with Eddie’s Wheels.\u00a0 What a gift these wheels would come to be!\u00a0 Lucille took to it right away.\u00a0 She was the Berkeley Bulldog on wheels. Lucille walked almost 4 hours a day in her chair.
\nWe became so well known around town- 4 Pitties with special needs , one of them in wheels.\u00a0\u00a0 We went on long neighborhood walks daily and there wasn’t a walk where someone did not stop to say hello and ask about her.\u00a0 People would pull over in the car and take photos every day.\u00a0 People yelled out the most encouraging things from their cars .\u00a0 Lucille made people smile pure and simple.\u00a0 Lucille gave people encouragement when they needed it for their own private purpose.\u00a0 Lucille’s determination made others around her feel inspired to move beyond their own limitations.\u00a0 Every single walk we did for 9 months-\u00a0 brought someone around us to smile, talk , take photos, or even cry.\u00a0 Lucille was the local hero.\u00a0 If she could walk with wheels, then it somehow\u00a0 made people believe in themselves more.\u00a0 Lucille inspired others and most of all she inspired me-\u00a0 She showed me that a vulnerable body does not mean a vulnerable spirit.<\/p>\n

Her disc disease continued to progress though- around December- she became unable to lift herself to move from bed to bed.\u00a0 I did not leave her at home alone for more than 3 hours. I cut back on work immensely so that I could be there to move her.\u00a0 She also was fully incontinent for the last\u00a0 9 months.\u00a0 She had to wear diapers.\u00a0 I cleaned her\u00a0 at least 20 times a day. I tended to her and wanted to keep her dignity amongst even these most vulnerable declines.\u00a0 She had to wear booties because her back feet were knuckling.\u00a0 My mind would only allow brief moments of thinking ” how much time do I have with my girl?”\u00a0 She was the reason I came home, she was the reason I walked for hours,\u00a0 she was the reason I turned away work. she was the reason I spent all my evenings at home.\u00a0 How could I possibly imagine a life without her?\u00a0 She had become my whole Identity in many ways.<\/p>\n

Suddenly,\u00a0 2 weeks ago- she took a decline. I thought it was only an arthritic flare up in her front leg.\u00a0 We adjusted the wheelchair to help take weight off her front- but she still struggled.\u00a0 I could see myself arguing with reality.\u00a0 I did not want to admit things were changing. I pushed her to walk, maybe too much…and at times, I hated myself for it.\u00a0 and then suddenly-\u00a0 I shifted-\u00a0 I put her in her the big wagon and started to give her a break from the wheelchair.\u00a0 Oh how she loved being in the wagon-\u00a0 she seemed so relieved.\u00a0 This was a monumental moment of growth for me- I let go of control . I let go of things needing to be a certain way- that “Lucille must walk!”.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Lucille was teaching me a divine lesson-\u00a0 Surrendering to What Is. The moment I put her in the wagon and viscerally felt her relief-\u00a0 I cried and cried.\u00a0 She was telling me it was time- she was ready to drop her tired body and rejoin the Cosmos.\u00a0 She was so ready for her day of Freedom.<\/p>\n

Everything changed for me in a flash- I went from being so taunt and wound in my convictions of things needing to be a certain way- to the most profound feeling of all-\u00a0 Flowing with Life.\u00a0 I stopped fighting.\u00a0 Lucille’s most precious gift to me came our last day together- when she told me in most quiet dignified presence- that I could Let Go.<\/p>\n

Our last day together was sacred. March 11, 2014-\u00a0 she choose to tell me she was ready on the 3rd year anniversary of Benjamin’s death\u00a0 ( March 11, 2011).\u00a0\u00a0 Her communication with me was other worldly. By this, I mean- it was just as clear as clear can be -transmuted to me in the perfection of Silence and Love.\u00a0 I heard her Beingness tell me she was ready.\u00a0\u00a0 We did 2 wagon walks that day- she looked up and out and took in the day, but she also was quieter .\u00a0 Not a sick kind of quiet – more like she was moving back and forth between 2 worlds.\u00a0 I truly feel that she was communicating with Benjamin and he was gently guiding her in his Divine Direction.\u00a0 I laid next to her while she was resting on her bed, that afternoon. The other dogs were sleeping nearby. I just stroked her over and over and basked in my love for her.\u00a0 She was so peaceful. There really are no<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

words that will\u00a0 do justice to how it felt\u00a0 being with her this last day-\u00a0 We were in communion with one another through the Infinite Knowledge that goes beyond dog and human.\u00a0 I knew she was moving on and she knew I was the one that would support her onward to her next divine chapter.\u00a0 The love I felt for her that day was of the deepest richest quality-\u00a0 God was flowing through us and guiding her back Home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The vet came and we talked about Lucille.\u00a0 My dearest friend, Susanne , held my hand as we watched Lucille drift off to sleep with the first injection. I kissed her all over. I told her again and again, how much I loved her. I told her how proud I was of her, how beautiful and precious and perfect she was.\u00a0 I told her that Benjamin was going to be right there to welcome her Home.\u00a0 She passed with the greatest elegance.\u00a0 She left this earth surrounded by Love Ever Lasting.<\/p>\n

Her final gift to me was my own Surrender .\u00a0 I surrendered to Life.\u00a0 When I listened to my dearest Lucille –\u00a0 so gently yet resolutely tell me she was ready-\u00a0 She gave me new eyes and ears that see and hear from the Deepest Silence.\u00a0 I was lost and now I am found.\u00a0 Thank you for your grace, my Beloved.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lucille left her aching tired body on March 11, 2014 at 8 pm, surrounded by her pack.\u00a0 She passed on the 3rd anniversary of her Beloved Benjamin’s death.\u00a0 She will be forever deeply missed. I’d like to tell her story here The ache is immense.\u00a0 The void is beyond measure.\u00a0 Lucille was a mighty soul.\u00a0 … <\/p>\n

Continue reading Farewell for now, My Beloved Lucille March 11, 2014<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/461"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=461"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/461\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":489,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/461\/revisions\/489"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}