{"id":341,"date":"2011-06-07T06:23:16","date_gmt":"2011-06-07T06:23:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/?p=341"},"modified":"2011-06-07T06:23:16","modified_gmt":"2011-06-07T06:23:16","slug":"this-is-unbearable-sometimes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/2011\/06\/07\/this-is-unbearable-sometimes\/","title":{"rendered":"This is unbearable sometimes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I need to tell someone right now. I hope it is okay to share with all of\u00a0 you-<\/p>\n<p>I miss my boy so so so so much.,\u00a0 It is unbearable in this moment.\u00a0 I can&#8217;t believe I will never have him next to me again..\u00a0 He was Goodness.\u00a0 He was Kindness. He was\u00a0 Unconditional Love and Acceptance.\u00a0 He was Courage. He was Forgiveness.\u00a0 He was\u00a0 Perfection.<\/p>\n<p>There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can fix.\u00a0 This is permanent. All I can do is endure, endure, endure.<\/p>\n<p>Life is going on, without my boy.\u00a0 I am functioning at a fairly high capacity- working , mostly eating okay, mostly sleeping okay,\u00a0 socializing now and again&#8230;and then WHAM!!!\u00a0 I am on the ground, flailing in\u00a0 my grief.\u00a0 Humbled by the magnitude of my loss.\u00a0 It has gotten to the time where I don&#8217;t share so much with friends.\u00a0 They may make the assumption that I am moving through it.\u00a0\u00a0 They don&#8217;t know these quiet desperate moments of complete surrender.<\/p>\n<p>There is the necessity of distraction and numbing- a little tv,\u00a0 facebook, food, sweets,- all addictions that won&#8217;t kill me.\u00a0 But then there is also the necessity of FEELING.\u00a0 My heart knows that healing is through feeling.\u00a0\u00a0 Feeling all the huge massive wave of loss will ultimately quiet this mind.\u00a0 It will ultimately rest my soul,\u00a0 it will ultimately feed my hungry heart.<\/p>\n<p>This is where I am at tonight- allowing the earthquake in my heart to register at the highest crest. No holding back, no stopping, no numbing, no distraction.Then I will crawl into bed, with a full and tender\u00a0 heart,\u00a0 This is where I will\u00a0 find my deepest connection to my beloved Benjamin.\u00a0 He is already there- patiently waiting for this busy mind to find its way back to him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I need to tell someone right now. I hope it is okay to share with all of\u00a0 you- I miss my boy so so so so much.,\u00a0 It is unbearable in this moment.\u00a0 I can&#8217;t believe I will never have him next to me &hellip; <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/2011\/06\/07\/this-is-unbearable-sometimes\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">This is unbearable sometimes<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=341"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":342,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341\/revisions\/342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}