![\"101_13582\"](\"http:\/\/causeandeffectdogtraining.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/101_13582-300x225.jpg\" "\\"101_13582\\"")
\nHis drooping left eye<\/p>\n
\nHis drooping left eye<\/p>\n
His back foot with only 3 toes<\/p>\n
His old man mouth with black speckles throughout his gums<\/p>\n
his worn down teeth<\/p>\n
his thick dense smelly black fur<\/p>\n
his wobbley back legs<\/p>\n
the way he always would wait for me if he got just a little ahead of me.\u00a0 he knew I could help guide him and he trusted that.<\/p>\n
The way he puffed up around a big dominant male.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t matter that his legs were wobbley, he would show him who was King.<\/p>\n
The way he would follow an intact male around with great fervor, with a dash of intimidation, but mostly just being a good Alpha<\/p>\n
His roar every time the door bell rang. His need to protect till his
\nlast days.\u00a0 but as soon as he saw it was a good friend- he would wiggle his little nub tail and grab his monkey for them.<\/p>\n
The way he would wait patiently until a dog dropped their ball and then mosey over and pick it up – acting like he had just hunted and stalked it for miles.<\/p>\n
Then he would lay down and lick on it- showing off to the surrounding pups-\u00a0 cleaning and prepping the ball as if it were a newly killed dear.<\/p>\n
How he loved to mark his territories far and wide, and even at 13, this was important to him.<\/p>\n
How he loved to lay down in big deep puddles and just lay there, for minutes.\u00a0 looking at me to be acknowledged- \u201cHey mom- i am here, this is so so cool!\u201d<\/p>\n
How he always ventured down to any beach he could make his way down to.\u00a0 Water was his therapy.\u00a0 This was because on one
\nof our first walks- we went to Pt Pinole and his joy of being off leash overcame his fear of the water and in minutes- he was running through the tides with utter abandonement.<\/p>\n
The way he would watch me, whever I would go.\u00a0 he was a strong boy, but his mom mattered most to him.\u00a0 Home was where I was. and I felt the very same.<\/p>\n
How I accepted so much fixing, messing with in his last years- the pills, the heating pads, the acupuncture, the stretching, the cleaning, multiple surgeries.\u00a0 Never once a growl or a nip.<\/p>\n
How everyone in all his vet hospitals knew the Benjamin and his story.\u00a0 Every Vet, technician and front staff- knew how much he had overcame and the great statesman he had become.<\/p>\n
How he had his special bed –\u00a0 placed perfectly so he could see everyone who entered the house.\u00a0 and none of the girls ever got on it.\u00a0 This was his throne.\u00a0 He was their leader and they knew his place.<\/p>\n
His old man bark-\u00a0 he could still muster a big one when needed.<\/p>\n
How he loved to be stroked deeply under his chin and on his chest.\u00a0 He would make these moans of ectasy and all was good in our worlds.<\/p>\n
Everyone in town saw us and knew Old Man Benjamin-\u00a0 people who would normally be afraid of the breed- saw him- in his later
\nmore vulnerable state- and that softened their fears.\u00a0 They saw an old soul trying hard to stand tall and show his grace even with a tired body.\u00a0 He helped me make so many nice connections with people I otherwise would not have.<\/p>\n
How 2 days before his death- he happily did 5 minutes on the underwater treadmill- eating his favorite treats and being cheerleaded by\u00a0 me and Joni- his favorite rehab nurse.\u00a0 he never wanted to give up.<\/p>\n
How I know without a doubt, he brought Abbey girl to me, months ago- they must have had a conversation- and he said I was going to need a special muse- full of laughter and lightness- to help me through the darkness of my loss.\u00a0 Thank you my son for this gift of Abbey.<\/p>\n
He taught me that Wise Masters come in animal bodies.\u00a0 He taught me that deep abuse can lead to awakening which leads to love, teaching, and spreading the Wisdom. I was HIS VESSEL.\u00a0 I was here to serve him, so that he could teach me how to serve other dogs in great need of rehabiliation.<\/p>\n
He taught me that even when there is severe aggression, – it is just often a doorway to step through with inner conviction- where Love and Leadership can shift it all.<\/p>\n
He taught me that Home is where Unconditional Love is.\u00a0 Home is where he was.\u00a0 and even thought his physical presence is gone now-\u00a0 I am starting to see that Home is where we ALWAYS are together in Divine Vast Love that knows no death.<\/p>\n
He was always the leader of any and all packs I walked- but he did it in his measured dignfied way- that never instilled fear in the pack, just deep abiding respect.<\/p>\n
His old man farts and how he could care less about them.<\/p>\n
The way he would quiver his lips when he got an especially good scent of urine on a tree<\/p>\n
His crazy love for female dogs in\u00a0 heat.\u00a0 No matter how wobbley his old man knees were. he would try his damndest to mount her.<\/p>\n
How he always ate past all the good veges in his dish, just to get to the meat.<\/p>\n
The smile that took over his face.<\/p>\n
His eyes following me whereever I went.\u00a0 always keeping an eye out for me.<\/p>\n
From Dan Kuklo:\u00a0\u00a0 I only have one poignant memory of Benjamin and Lucille.\u00a0 It seemed to me both your pups were at their best at UC.\u00a0 Lucille tossed her brooding nature aside and frolicked in all directions, chasing squirrels, careening in the creek and enjoyed a high state of abandon.\u00a0 Benjamin also seemed fulfilled there. But in his very different way.\u00a0 He was so smooth and comfortable that he was able to take a sublime joy there, especially in the three main bathing pools.\u00a0 Like a pigeon takes a bath, Benjamin could just be still and meditate on his good fortune.\u00a0 Dogs don’t do that in my experience except for him.\u00a0 He was a deep spirit.\u00a0 I’m equally sorry for his loss and your loss.\u00a0 But he is passed it now and you still have further to go on the trail.<\/p>\n
The way his tired old back legs would cave in a bit when I gave him deep massage there.\u00a0\u00a0 He loved the deep rubs.
\nOn our walks- if he got a few steps ahead of me, he would always wait. turn around and wait for me to come. I think he liked me leading him as he got older.<\/p>\n
His extreme pride at being helped anywhere. he hated it when I lifted him over things like rocks and wood.\u00a0 He would see me coming and instead start to move faster to get an old man running start to go over- rather than have me help him.<\/p>\n
How serene he looked when he would find the best biggest puddle to lay down in.\u00a0 He would just lay there so richly fulfilled.<\/p>\n
His face when he wanted me to acknowledge him for something-
\njust a quiet look of hopeful expectation for his mom to say \u201c I see you\u201d<\/p>\n
How he would perk up and muscle up when other dominant boys would come by.\u00a0 No matter how sore or tired he was moments before- he would enlarge those shoulders and strut to show his prowless around them.<\/p>\n
How he so so loved to be toweled off.\u00a0 He would come to me and lean against me as soon as he saw me with the towel.\u00a0 he would push the other girls out of the way. I think this was from one of his first memories with me- the day I rescued him and his first bath at Pet Food express.\u00a0 Most likely, the first loving touch he had ever had.<\/p>\n
His big front chest. a barrel.<\/p>\n
The morning howl with Lucille every morning for many years. how she would always start it, then he would chime in , and her voice was high and his was deep, low and long.\u00a0 union, joining.\u00a0 and how it would trickle off to just small utterings.<\/p>\n
His magnificent profound transformation from aggressive beast to noble centered stable dog.<\/p>\n
The way he would correct Lucille with a snarl, a growl, a look, if she got too close to his bed.\u00a0 Only her.\u00a0 and she loved it! she loved his reprimands.<\/p>\n
How whenever Lucille was stressed or insecure. she would go lay right next to him, usually touching him.<\/p>\n
How 10 years , after I would turn the lights off to go to bed,\u00a0 15
\nminutes later or so- he would always come in the bedroom to sleep with me. I could sense him enter. and he would be standing there. I would acknowledge him and only then , would he make his way to lay on his bed.<\/p>\n
How hearing him sleep deeply brought me so much comfort.<\/p>\n
He would do that funny thing with his mouth- taking in some amazing smell – like a computer chip so much more advanced than our nose.<\/p>\n
His effervescent smile. big, wide, so so happy.<\/p>\n
How wide his front limbs were from each other.\u00a0 He walked like a soldier on a mission.<\/p>\n
his absolute delight with female dogs in heat.<\/p>\n
his white underbelly<\/p>\n
his battle scars. ear, legs, – the stories they tell of his survial and transformation.<\/p>\n
The way he loved when I would give him a big full massage- he would stretch out his back legs and spread out in total bliss.<\/p>\n
He always knew I was coming home- he was fully alert and waiting for me.\u00a0 very happy. very ready for our one on one time.<\/p>\n
His fear of flies.\u00a0\u00a0 sweetness , innocence.<\/p>\n
The way his whole face expanded with his smile.<\/p>\n
When he layed down on the walks-\u00a0 he looked very content and regal.\u00a0 also- always keeping one eye on me.<\/p>\n
The thickness of his Fur especially around his neck – so lush.<\/p>\n
The way he smelled- deeply familiar, comforting, like an old man.<\/p>\n
How he would let me do anything to him. Never a growl. ever.<\/p>\n
His ears that seemed a bit too small for his head.\u00a0 like little airplane wings.<\/p>\n
His perfectly imperfect Rottweiler stature.<\/p>\n
His little Nub- Rapid movement when he was excited.
\nHis black toenails<\/p>\n
How absolutely adorable he looked in his raincoat and sweater.<\/p>\n
Our vacation in Tahoe.\u00a0 Experiencing\u00a0 his first snow!\u00a0 His perseverance on the walks.\u00a0 always trudging along.\u00a0 making the way down the small hillls with his rickedy back legs. but perfectly beautiful doing it.<\/p>\n
How he owned his bed. it was HIS and the other dogs knew it and respected it.<\/p>\n
His fierceness with raccoons and skunks.\u00a0 The fights!\u00a0 His skillful predatory drive.\u00a0 Scary, but somehow admirable and awe inspiring.<\/p>\n
The Lucille and Benjamin morning howl that took place almost every morning for years.\u00a0 She would start by looking at him and yodeling. then he would chime in and soon , both their heads would be thrown back with deep primal howls- what were they saying to each other?\u00a0 The mystery of it left me deeply affected.<\/p>\n
The love of my life. simple. forever. The love was limitless. It grew every day, in every moment of our interactions, in the silence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
His drooping left eye His back foot with only 3 toes His old man mouth with black speckles throughout his gums his worn down teeth his thick dense smelly black fur his wobbley back legs the way he always would wait for me if he got just a little ahead of me.\u00a0 he knew I … <\/p>\n